


feeling i've never known

by kagehinayuu



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, i think??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-10-01 22:34:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10202246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kagehinayuu/pseuds/kagehinayuu
Summary: Tatsuya knows how to fight. It's just that he didn't want it to come to that.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Basically this is the scene where Haizaki comes in and tries to harass Alex and ends up leaving Himuro with tons of bruises and stuff. I wanted to portray it like how I thought it would be afterwards, with Murasakibara finding him and getting really protective (kind of??). So, really, this is me indulging in MuraMuro fluff. Also I don't know if this counts as angst?? But I'm adding the tag anyway. Also, there are some homophobic slurs in here and I apologize beforehand if the words are triggering to someone. It is not my intention. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

The thing is, Tatsuya is pretty familiar with assholes who will take a hit at anyone they see. Back in America, it was something he encountered everyday. No one liked a faggot, especially one who played basketball, so Tatsuya usually was on the receiving ends of those punches to the face and kicks to the stomach. After years of it happening over and over as though it was some kind of cycle, Tatsuya just kind of. Got used to it. And by got used to it, he means he learned how to dodge and fight back, learned how to defeat them so the fucking jerks wouldn't have any other reason to open their mouths except to spit out blood. He didn't exactly want to fight back, but he also didn't want any of the assholes to think he was some weakling who couldn't stand up for himself, so when another person dared lay a finger on him, it was as though he saw black and when he came to, the guy was laying in a heap on the ground. And from then on he told himself never to let someone attack him without fighting back.

So, when he sees this dreaded person who looks like he could be in a gang, Tatsuya is immediately on the defense. The hairs on his neck prickle uncomfortably and he watches as the man hits on Alex right in front of him, a certain kind of anger seeping into him. Of course, he is used to these kinds of people also since everyone back in America, whether it be male or female, never wasted a moment to hit on Alex. He understands why, of course; his mentor is a beautiful woman, but people are never to gentle about what it is they want.

But it isn't as though Alex can't take care of herself, because she can. She's a fighter, through and through and Tatsuya knows this, but sometimes he has to step in, to get his hands a little dirty because he would rather himself be hurt than for anyone to ever lay a finger on Alex.

Tatsuya steps in. Of course he does. He's not about to stand by whilst Alex gets harassed by some psycho. He lays a hand on his shoulder and commands the brown-haired male's attention to himself instead. He expects the stinging words, the venomous phrases that are directed towards him, knows it is bait that Tatsuya either can bite or ignore. Tatsuya is going to ignore him, really, about to snatch up Alex and get the hell out of there before the man says something else and comes at him.

Immediately, Tatsuya's arm comes up to block the blow and he feints away from the stranger, his fluid movements coming as a second nature to him. His heart is pumping with the same kind of adrenaline it had when he got in all those other fights, but it isn't a good one. Tatsuya thought that when he moved here, the brawls, the negative slurs, everything would disappear. He came back to start over, but he should have know it wasn't going to be that simple. He takes a moment to wonder what the fuck this asshole thinks he is doing, especially since he looks to be some sort of player, just like Tatsuya.

The stranger says something else, something about his looks or whatever, but Tatsuya isn't clinging to those words. He's waiting for the next attack. Which comes soon, when the guy kicks Tatsuya straight in the abdomen.

Pain shoots throughout his whole chest area and he grunts with the sheer force of the attack. He faintly hears Alex calling his name, but he can't think over the ringing in his head or the pure rage sifting through his body. "Guys like you seriously irritate me," the guy with dreads said, his voice full of disgust. The phrase is no better than him calling Tatsuya a 'faggot' and he hates it. This sour, rotten feeling that leaves a bitter taste in his mouth and his heart feeling like lead.

After that, everything sort of blurs for Tatsuya. He remembers the guy clutching at Alex and feeling completely useless and worthless because here he is, trying to catch his breath while she takes the brute force of this man. He thinks he gets up at one point, starts swinging his own fists to try and make the guy release his hold on his mentor only to be knocked right back down.

At some point, after Tatsuya receives what he thinks is his fifteenth punch, Taiga shows up. Taiga, his brother, his best friend when he was younger, the person he just lost to. The person he told that they couldn't be rivals and brothers at the same time. Through bleary eyes, Tatsuya looks at him, wonders what Taiga is thinking at this moment. For him to come and see both his mentor and (ex) brother out here, the former helplessly trying to escape the right grip the stranger has on her neck while the latter tries to shove the immense pain away so he can help her, it must be a pretty strange sight.

Tatsuya crouches over, drops of blood falling off his face as he watches Taiga scream at the male. His whole body aches and he wants to tend to these wounds, wants to leave this sight immediately so he can go seek out Atsushi and probably apologize for being such a dick earlier. That is, if Atsushi is even willing to hear him out.

But then the stranger himself talks about Atsushi and Tatsuya is confused, because who the fuck is this dude? And how does he know Atsushi? His whole body screams in agony when he steps forward to stop Taiga from fighting this stranger. But he pushes through, doesn't care. There is no way in hell that he is going to let Taiga get himself in trouble by getting into a petty brawl. Taiga looks shocked at Tatsuya's word (or it might be the fact that his lip is bleeding and he's probably got forming bruises all over his face, Tatsuya doesn't know), but demands to know what happened instead, Tatsuya explaining it to him.

Taiga seems enraged, an emotion to be expected since this is Taiga. But he doesn't retaliate and dodges the guy's hit easily when he aims one for Taiga. Tatsuya's lip curls up distastefully. Someone who picks a fight just to fight is the worst kind of person and Tatsuya hates those people the most. It means they have nothing better to do than to pick on other people and it's absolutely disgusting.

The stranger with dreads gives Tatsuya a nasty smirk, judgement gleaming in his gray eyes as he chuckles, almost mocking. Tatsuya prepares himself for another fight, even though he's basically running on fumes now, his whole body aching and yearning for an escape. He's not going to back down, however. So he's ready -- not anticipating -- for the punch, the kick, whatever the guy wants to throw at him.

He stops and reaches an arm out to catch the oncoming basketball. Tatsuya pauses, fists poised in front of him. He glances towards whoever stepped in.

It's Kise Ryouta.

* * *

 

Tatsuya winces for the umpteenth time as he pats his face with a cold paper towel. Currently, he is in the men's bathroom, tending to his wounds. For the past ten minutes, he has been wiping blood of his face, brushing the dirt of his face, and cleaning up cuts as best as he can. So far, everything looks to be okay; a few bruises on his abdomen and face, some scrapes on his face, and a busted lip, but nothing he couldn't handle. He takes a glance at himself in the mirror and purses his lips.

After Kise, one of the Generation of Miracles, and the stranger, who Tatsuya now knows to be Haizaki Shougo after Kise so kindly told them, left them be after a wild conversation that, frankly, Tatsya couldn't keep up with (stuff involving the Miracles tend to be pretty confusing to him, so he doesn't really bother anymore). And Tatsuya departed shortly after, leaving confused and battered but still managing. Alex and Taiga had stayed behind.

He knows they were probably worried about him, but they didn't ask questions and for that, he is grateful. Tatsuya usually wishes to be alone after he gets into a pretty nasty brawl with someone and he's glad they understand that this time isn't any different. Still, he can't help but wonder what Taiga possibly could have wanted. It is one of those things that is going to nag at him until he receives an answer. But Taiga told him they would talk another day, so Tatsuya trusted his words and parted with heavy footsteps.

The bathroom door opens for what seems like the millionth time and Tatsuya doesn't bat an eye, too occupied with his injuries to really care about who had to piss. He is applying cold water to another paper towel when a voice, surprised and childlike, asks, "Muro-chin?!"

Tatsuya freezes in his actions, cold water dripping onto his hand like a waterfall as he holds the paper towel under the faucet. His whole body tenses, a sigh escaping his mouth as he quickly glances back to make sure that--yep, it's Atsushi. Big, tall, Atsushi that takes up almost the whole bathroom. And he does not seem pleased. Tatsuya wonders if it's because of what happened earlier, during the game, when he punched Atsushi and ranted at him. He silently sends a prayer to the heavens before turning to Atsushi, a smirk already plastered on his face.

"Hello, Atsushi." He prays he looks as collected as he sounds. Atsushi gives him an incredulous look, purple eyes scanning over his body before he takes two giant strides over to him.

"What happened to Muro-chin?"

Tatsuya is taken aback by the deadly calmness of his voice, for he is used to the petulant, child sounding voice that Atsushi always uses. But, now, Atsushi sounds like he did earlier, when he told Tatsuya that he was amazed at how much someone repulsed him. Serious and calm, but with a threatening undertone. Atsushi stops short in front of him, obviously hesitating on what to do. Tatsuya cracks a smile.

"Everything's fine, Atsushi," he says nonchalantly, turning back to the paper towel. He turns the faucet off and wrings the towel out. "Just got a little roughed up, is all."

He feels Atsushi's presence behind him and tenses once more. "Someone hurt Muro-chin." Atsushi doesn't ask, he states and Tatsuya bites his lip, willing his heart to calm down from the close proximity.

Truthfully, he's still a bit nervous, because, as of right now, he doesn't know where he stands with Atsushi and that pains him more than any physical wound ever could. When Tatsuya first came here, Atsushi was his first friend. Kind of. Tatsuya just happened to offer the purple-haired male some American snacks his father sent him and ever since, Atsushi has seemed to think Tatsuya was some kind of convenience store or something. Not that Tatsuya minds. Having Atsushi around is reassuring and nice. Which is why it's even more difficult when things are tense. When things are tense, Tatsuya doesn't know what to do, how to handle it. With other people, he'd usually give them a cocky smirk, flash off his looks a little and the tension was gone replaced by something entirely new. But with Atsushi, it isn't like that because Atsushi is different and Tatsuya doesn't want to treat him like he did everyone else. He is worth more than that.

"Do you know a 'Haizaki-kun', Atsushi?" Tatsuya asks. He feels his friend tense from behind him and immediately regrets asking such a question. Obviously, if Kise has some kind of beef with this man then it was pretty evident that Atsushi would have some, too. He turns around and says, "Sorry, sorry. It was a stupid qu--"

He falls short at the look on Atsushi's face. His friend looks enraged, jaw clenched and eyes narrowed angrily. Tatsuya glances down and sees that Atsushi's hands are also balled tightly in fists. He frowns. Tatsuya doesn't enjoy when his friend is disturbed or tense; it's like watching something dark and sinister unfold and Tatsuya is grateful he's only had to witness it once. Now, he's seeing it again and it's not helping his heart palpitations, because the last thing he needs on his conscious right now is Atsushi rushing off to do heaven knows what.

Atsushi, after a moment's silence, says, "Haizaki hurt Muro-chin." His tall friend glares at him with fierce eyes as though daring Tatsuya to deny. Tatsuya does not.

"It's not a big deal," he says since it really isn't. He pats his lip with the towel and smartly doesn't wince even though he really, really wants to. Atsushi is still glaring like someone stole all his snacks and burned them. "I've dealt with worse, Atsushi, it's okay."

Atsushi still looks ready to kill, so Tatsuya does the only thing he can think of and grabs Atsushi's hand in a quick motion, intertwining their fingers. He squeezes once, twice, three times before staring Atsushi dead in the eye. "Really, Atsushi. I am okay." He knows there is probably a blush spreading across his face but he can't really bring himself to care, too busy enjoying the flabbergasted look Atsushi is giving him and the warmth of his hand.

For so long, probably over months now, Tatsuya wondered how it would feel to have Atsushi's hand snugly intertwined with his. Now that the moment is finally here, Tatsuya doesn't know what to do. His whole body feels as though its on fire and his lungs seem to not be functioning properly because he can't take in a breath, too enraptured in the art that is Murasakibara Atsushi. Atsushi, the one who never judged him for like his own gender; Atsushi, the one, who despite the looks and sneers he received for it, stayed by Tatsuya's side loyally; Atsushi, who Tatsuya may or may not be falling in love with.

It isn't as though Tatsuya wanted this to happed--he didn't. Because most of his past relationships were more physical than emotional, nothing more than a quick fling that turned into something that Tatsuya had to end in result of the other half catching some kind of deep affection for him. Needless to say, those relationships never ended pretty and Tatsuya hates it since he had tried to give them what they wanted, tried to retaliate the feelings. But they just weren't there and that's what hurt the most.

But when Tatsuya came to Japan, he met Atsushi and it was like a breath of fresh air. Because Atsushi, despite his childish behavior and bad habits, is a great person. Kind, compassionate, and loyal. He doesn't really seem to care about anything, but he does and he cares a lot, Tatsuya knows this. Tatsuya immediately knew that Atsushi loved basketball just as much as he did, even if he hid it behind laziness and disinterest. He also knows how much Atsushi cares about the team, even if he won't willingly admit it. Everything is there, in Atsushi's gestures and facial expressions. And as the months passed, Tatsuya found himself seeing more of a softer Atsushi, one that loved to bake and pet stray cats and somewhere along then he fell. He fell so fucking hard.

And it was tough, at first since Tatsuya wasn't used to the feeling. The feeling of wanting to snuggle someone instead of fucking them. The feeling of wanting to be around them every second of the day. The warmth, the fuzziness that had Tatsuya's toes curling in a good way because even though it was new, it was nice, refreshing and it didn't matter if Atsushi didn't feel the same. He had this emotion. It was his and only his and he was happy because he finally had someone to love and fuck it if he wasn't going to love him hard.

So, Tatsuya showered Atsushi with snacks after snacks, giving the tall male anything he needed without batting an eye. He complimented Atsushi when he defended particularly well during practice; he helped Atsushi with his English homework when needed because Atsushi hated it, said English was a stupid language ("It's so bothersome, Murochin. They don't even speak in proper sentences."), and made Tatsuya sit down with him and explain every conjugation until his eyes hurt; and he'd cook for Atsushi, because sometimes the younger male wanted something other than those delicious sweets he's always munching on. Tatsuya has loved every second of it, even though a deeper part of him wishes that he could be doing this with Atsushi as his boyfriend.

(Wishful thinking, he supposes.)

Atsushi is looking at their hands like someone told him his favorite candy was being discontinued. Unease swirls in Tatsuya's stomach. He knows Atsushi doesn't like him in the same way he likes him, but he at least was hoping that Atsushi wasn't like everyone else. A homophobic asshole, that is. Because when Tatsuya had told him, Atsushi just stared at him for a moment then nodded quietly before munching on his snacks once more. Tatsuya had thought that meant. . . he shakes his head and tries to pull his hand away.

"Muro-chin," Atsushi states angrily, not lessening his hold on Tatsuya's hand. Faintly, Tatsuya hears the door open, but he couldn't care less. Atsushi's eyes are gleaming in the luminous light of the bathroom and there such a dark lilac and Tatsuya's heart stutters. Atsushi opens his mouth again. "Muro-chin is stupid."

Tatsuya stares up at Atsushi, not sure whether to be offended or not. Atsushi is frowning hard, like he's thinking and Tatsuya prepares himself for the worst. He knows that Atsushi is smart, knows that the other male probably knows about Tatsuya's big 'ole crush on him and is about to either let him down easy or straight out reject him. Tatsuya is leaning towards the latter because he still doesn't know if they're on good terms or not.

(He thinks they might be? Since Atsushi didn't exactly kill him for punching him. But, really, that could just be Atsushi being lazy, Tatsuya didn't know. He still doesn't and it's so irritating.)

"Muro-chin likes me," he says it so simply, like it's not a big deal. Tatsuya's heart clenches and he swallows, his throat seemingly closing up on his as he does so. He remains silent, the only sound heard coming from the man in a stall. "Muro-chin likes me, right?"

Too shaken to say anything, Tatsuya nods his head. He knows he's shaking, knows Atsushi can probably feel him shaking but it doesn't matter because the cat's out of the bag and Atsushi is going to stop being his friend. He's going to leave Tatsuya behind, alone, all because Tatsuya couldn't keep his stupid crush to himself. He should have know. God, he is so fucking dumb. His body hurts and most of all, he just feels exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally. He could really use a good nights sleep, if he's honest.

But sleep means going back to the hotel room, the one he shares with Atsushi and he doesn't think he's ready for that amount of awkward silence that will follow. Because, now, he has nothing to say, and it's not like he's going to try and seduce the problem away. This was Atsushi, not one of his other flings.

Mustering up the sliver of courage he has left, Tatsuya stares Atsushi straight in the eyes. He's going down, might as well go down with a bang. "Yes, Atsushi, I like you. A lot." Saying it out loud is weird. For one it means that it's real, that what Tatsuya is harboring isn't just some fleeting crush, but a real, almost tangible thing that effects him. His heart feels a lot lighter, though, and he cracks a smile because of it. "I like you so much, Atsushi," he says again, his uncovered eye meeting Atsushi's.

Atsushi stares back, wide-eyed, just like when Tatsuya cried earlier. Though, this time he doesn't try to mask it with his usual disinterest. He lays it all out there, allowing Tatsuya to see every emotion. There's concern (probably caused by Tatsuya's injuries), sadness due to the lost game most likely, and Tatsuya thinks he may be imagining it, but he sees a softness in Atsushi's eyes, one that kind of resembles fondness, adoration. His stomach flips wildly, like there's a loose bird stuck in there and it just wants to be free.

"Atsushi," he says, his voice questioning, hesitant and unsure. With satisfaction, Tatsuya watches Atsushi's cheeks color slightly, a tiny indication that, he, too is flustered. He grin widens. "Well," he prompts, "aren't you going to say something?"

Grumbling underneath his breath, Atsushi turns his head to the side with a pout, blush still evident on his face.

"What?" Tatsuya is having way too much fun now. His cheeks (and lip, because hello, it's busted) are starting to hurt from how much he's smiling. "I didn't quite catch that, Atsushi. Could you repeat it?"

"Muro-chin is unfair," says Atsushi indignantly but he sounds pleased, like he's accomplished something. "But I like Muro-chin, anyway. I like Muro-chin, too."

Tatsuya laughs, a childish, free laugh that washes away every bit of doubt he was feeling. Atsushi cracks his own grin and Tatsuya doesn't think he's seen someone so magnificent in his life. He stares at those purple eyes, so full of life and passion and he thinks everything is okay. It doesn't matter that he is injured, doesn't matter that his whole body screams in protest as he flings himself in Atsushi's arms to capture the male's lips with his own.

All that matters is this moment. His lips on Atushi's, their bodies intertwined.

It is a moment Tatsuya will never forget.

* * *

 

**Extra:**

Later, Tatsuya is laying down in the hotel room, Atsushi peppering kisses all over his body where the injuries are. They're both in Tatsuya's bed, and Tatsuya is falling asleep, his body heavy with exhaustion but content nonetheless. His eyes flutter when Atsushi says, "Don't worry, Muro-chin. Haizaki is dead."

And then Atsushi is circling Tatsuya in his arms, placing soft kisses all over Tatsuya's face. Tatsuya smiles softly, puckering his lips. Atsushi obliges. "Please, try not to harm anyone, Atsushi. I'd hate to see you go to jail." Tatsuya yawns, running his hand through Atsushi's hair comfortingly.

"But, Muro-chin~. Haizaki hurt you. He deserves it."

Tatsuya chuckles, a soft breath of laughter more than anything. He kisses Atsushi again, eyes falling shut once more. "I'm sure he does, Atsushi. But, did you know, they don't allow sweets in jail?"

Silence. Then:

"Goodnight, Muro-chin."

Tatsuya tucks his head into Atsushi's chest with a laugh.

"Goodnight, Atsushi."

**Author's Note:**

> Holy fuck that was probably cheesy as shit, I'm so sorry. Dear gosh, I hate myself for this.


End file.
